“Hey, hi.” They were my first words to you. The first ones I said when I met you. It felt so casual yet deep. Like I knew you from a thousand years back. You looked into my eyes like you were going to suck me all in, like you wanted me even before we met. You replied, “hi,” and smiled so brightly. Were you an arch angel in heaven or something? Your smile did something to my very soul and then you stretched it forward, it was a tract. A soul saving tract. If only you knew your smile had saved my soul even before the Lord’s tract. I took it without breaking our gaze and for the first time you looked away shyly.
“Umm, do you worship anywhere around here?” I asked. I knew I wanted to be wherever you were, I wasn’t just going to be so direct about it, after all I am the lady.
“Yes and no.” That was your answer. Don’t worry about remembering anything. I will help you do it. I wanted to help you carry all your burdens at once, even help you think, if it was possible. Was this what love was or was I just a lost course? “You put your hands in your pocket and walked down the street with me. I watched you adjust your perfect hair a few times and laughed.
You are just good, perfect, seamless. Nothing is wrong with your hair.
“Yes because, yes, I attend the church down the street and no because I only travelled down to see my sister. I will be returning next week. I came with family.”
My heart broke, but not completely. Where would you be traveling to? I wanted so badly to ask, but I knew you just wanted to tell me about Jesus. Well, I loved him too. I love him even before we both met, maybe that was why our hearts connected. We loved from the same source. I looked up into your eyes and you got uncomfortable. Then, you asked me the most unexpected question.
“Do I know you from somewhere?”
“Maybe from Zion.” I replied and we both laughed.
“I like that.” That was what you told me, do you remember? Whatever we felt was magnetic. We kept stealing glances at each other and then you finally sat me down to talk about Jesus.
“You seem to me like a believer.” That was what you told me and I chuckled. I chuckled in the disbelief of your perfection. Dark, oval faced, bright smile, perfect hairline in jeans and a white vest. What more could I ask for on a Friday evening.
“Yes, I am. Even though I have returned to the world a few times, I know that all I want is to be here with Jesus.” That was my reply. You leaned forward and tucked your long fingers into each other. My heart yelled perfection again and I smiled.
“So why do you keep returning to the world?” You asked and I thought it was the Lord Himself asking. What was that softness in your voice? I had no choice than to be open, be as open as possible.
“The world is sweet, the world is easy, the world is where everyone is. It is lonely on this path of righteousness and faith and light.
“Not really. I say the kingdom is sweeter, the kingdom is better, the kingdom isn’t hard but softer. It depends on who you are doing it with.”
“What do you mean?” I asked still musing at you.
“I once tried to do it my own way, with my knowledge, by myself and I failed. I failed woefully and I was ashamed.”
“Oh wow! I fell too and right now, I am still falling.”
“Jesus is willing to catch you if you would let Him.”
My mind wandered away briefly and I thought oh, I would rather let you catch me, boy oh boy. No! No! I called myself back. I could not lose it like that. No, I just couldn’t. I focused and watched you talk.
“Through this journey, you need to let Jesus carry you. If you don’t let him carry you, you will keep falling and nothing is going to get better.”
“So what do you suggest I do?”
“Ask Jesus to come help you. To make you steady in the things that matter.”
“I have prayed.”
“Then pray more because prayer works.” You told me and stretched your hands forward. “Let us pray.” You finally told me and I obeyed. You prayed with me and there she was, the one who shattered all my dreams with you.
“Babe,” a lady called from behind you. You turned around and I saw you give her a better smile than you gave me. You sprang up with so much ecstacy that I needn’t be told that she was the love of your life. Maybe after Christ. The falling me stepped in again and for a moment, I wished I was yours and not her. I wish you could look at me the way you looked at her. I thought I had seen you smile until I saw you smile at her.
“hey love!” You spoke and landed a kiss on her forehead without shame or restraints. “I was just praying with her.”
That was when it dawned on me. You never asked what my name was and I didn’t even know yours.
“She has such a beautiful spirit.” He told his woman and she smiled so innocently at me.
“Hi, nice to meet you…”
“Regina, my name is Regina.
“Wow!” They both mused.
“We share the same name.” Your woman said. Was that why we connected? I asked myself.
“Regina, meet Regina, my wife and the mother of my babies.” You told me and my heart sunk. I felt so many emotions at once.
Whatever it was, I can never forget you, that day, and how it went from a bright setting to only a glimmer.
I thought of you for so long after that. While meeting you made sense, the connection I felt did not. I mean, why? Why?
Somehow I never fell again, at least not at first sight. I have stood my ground since then and looked a little closer. My heart won’t take so many falls and even Jesus wouldn’t want it for me.