Damilola Babs

The sun grazed our skin like we were its daily meal. I scoffed at the thought of being eaten alive by it. I could feel my skin melting away under the hotness of this creation. I exhaled and looked at Tade. He was just as exhausted as I was. Usually, he would hold me, tell me sweet things or try to convince me about something. Today was different. His eyes were dim, his smile had disappeared. I didn’t even know what to say to him, I was so used to him caring that I had not realised how boring a person I was in the relationship.

“Are you okay?” He asked me again and I felt miserable. I should have asked him that first. We were in the middle of nowhere, our car had crashed into a tree, Would it be reasonable to say his car this time around because I knew I had no dime in the purchase and wasn’t going to have a dime in the repairs. Hold on, stop looking at me judgmentally. Tade never lets me raise a finger. He just fixes things and all I do is provide moral and emotional support.

Today, after our car crashed, I sat across the tarred road. For a while, I stopped and took a very good look at Tade. Something I had not done in years. Nothing about him was the same. Although he never complained, the man looked so tired. Extremely tired and it wasn’t even about the trip, or the car crash, something was off.

“Are you okay?” I asked him for the first time in a long while. He looked at me from the side of his eye and smiled. Why was he smiling in the face of something this difficult?

“You are smiling, but not saying anything, my love.” I told him.

“I am fine, babe.” He replied.

“Are you sure?”

“Very sure.”

“So why do you look so tired and sickly?”

“Tired? Yes. Sickly? No.”

“Sorry, I made you come out here against your own wish.” I apologised.

“It’s fine. I am used to you not listening to me, so it’s fine.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” I got up from where I sat away from him and walked to his car. Somehow, the scorching sun had stopped being my problem. This man was. What did he mean by that statement? I wanted to know at all costs. He was twice my size but it didn’t matter. I was used to him being that big and he was used to my petit figure standing in front of him.

“I asked you a question, Tade, answer me!” He looked at me and looked away like he didn’t want to say something that would hurt me. My eyes grew more inquisitive, my body became more impatient. I held his face and turned it to myself again.

“Tade, talk to me.”

“Look, I know I don’t ask you for nothing and I don’t disturb you to bring anything to this relationship, all I ask is that you help me Modola. Help me with the little things. Help me say no when I say no, help me say yes when I say yes. Help me keep this little and beautiful life we have together. Help me do the little things like giving me peace.”

“But I do that, don’t I?”

“You think you do, but you don’t! You don’t read the room, you don’t know when to stop, you don’t know when I need you, you don’t even know when I don’t want to be somewhere. I didn’t even want to be on this trip that has cost me my car because I had been working for days and just wanted to rest.”

You should have told me.” I told him.

“I did but you never listened. You just never did. You didn’t even hear me the first and second time I said it. You just wanted to take a trip downtown with your friends. Here we are. Thanks for all you do and thanks for not doing the little things you should be doing for me.

He finally told me and looked away. Thoughts rushed into my head and I just wanted to ask a question. What did I do wrong? I try best in this relationship and when it comes to the little things, I don’t even know of i do well or not, but if Tade says I am not, then I have to start trying because I love my man.